#i dont know man. im really trying to be open
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bbqhooligan · 1 year ago
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my new acquaintances/friends from school are concerningly different from me, what sticks out the most are this obvious lack of self articulation and/or awareness AND general distaste for discussing things in detail. i am constantly on the uncomfortable spot of "questioning a bit too deep and engaging a bit too strong and discussing a bit too aggressive" where my attempts at getting to know them AND getting across my own opinion all end up in the same pit. i dont know if im being "hurr durr i hate small talk tell me which 2 philosophers merging would result in the person closest to your own self and rank capitalism global warming and global rise of fascism in how urgent a problem they are to you personally" but it seems the small talk and humor they thrive in is too alien to my interests and my in depth engagement is too uncomfortable/stress inducing for them. they are PEOPLE with interests and views! and i wanna know and i wanna understand! but im too particular about my lines of socialization and too aggressive in my attitude and they are surprisingly bothered by slightest tension and deeply confrontation avoidant. i dont think we'll manage to get too close. i think ill reel it in a bit
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maudiemoods · 5 months ago
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"be cringe and free!!" Ok but did you see the side eye I just got? Did you hear the laugh? Did you notice the mood shifted and everything got awkward? Did you see how they glanced at the other person as if wanting to find a way out? Hm? I've learned to read people and I wish I never had
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mrmeepsmadmind · 1 month ago
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i love my bitch wife 🩵 somebody make an edit of soundwave to BRAT.. and my LIFE. is YOURS!!!!!
#the way it looks like hes wearing thigh highs or smthing like im obsessed with him#he thinks hes so cool that he just Has to try Everything himself#barely even waited for thunderhowl to finish his sentence. he heard door & said im outta here#and then got extremely pissed that this stupid fancy door would not bear under HIS superior weight#that he has to quell back the embarrassment of skipping the instructions then being lost & a fool about it#by attempting to retain his superiority & semblance of power by ordering someone else to do it only bcs he couldnt#but hes not gonna say that. hes just gonna order u to do smthing then be upset if u dont and maybe even more upset if u did#i miss him so much my brat king pls come back soundwave the kids miss u#him trying to open the door then immediately going to yell at thunder who was in the middle of explaining how to open the door..#that two second silence from thunder after soundwave got in his face . he is gritting his canine teeth so hard trying not to kill this bitch#and soundwave somehow has the audacity to feel the same if not even more anger#insolent door.. insolent MAN !!!!!#JUST DO WHAT HE WANTS DAMN IT !!!!!#soundwave thinks everyone thinks hes so cool but he is actually so pathetic loser malefailure to me like u dont understand#how badly i wonch this brat man hes so fucking funny 2 me#transformers cyberverse#transformers#tf cyberverse#soundwave#thunderhowl#'open. it. ' and then thunderhowl pins him to the door and says shut it WOAGH HEY HUH WHO SAID THAT#a canon writer of transformers mustve hacked my phone well we know how the story really ended then !#maccadam
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ratatatastic · 29 days ago
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lmaoooo maffhew wanting the knot immediately and having to wait for sasha to catch up with that is so deeply funny like. this omega is not subtle and you’re not a stupid alpha babe! can only imagine what benny has to say to maffhew about it once he catches on and stops banging his head against a wall
idiots to lovers is always great but especially when its two people who would be hitched with 10 kids by now if they stopped being dumb for a single second like its that easy and yet...
to me they very much fall around the same time (infatuation at first scent if you will) just that sasha takes some time to get there not because he's dumb (okay he's a little dumb) but in the sense that its like "this person is very interested in me, i can see and recognise that but theres so much cognitive dissonance in my brain right now between knowing that intrinsically and finding that hard to believe so i unintentionally play dumb because obviously i'm reading too much into things it cant be me they're interested in haha that'd crazy but they're being awfully touchy and flirty with me wow"
but also it takes two to tango and we have to acknowledge that and this is when i would love to bring up the ways in which this man decides is the best way to go about that because he is a catholic school girlie... there's so much hilarity to be had here especially because his flirting is very uh how you say... a little ass backwards if you will especially considering dynamics
"I make it a point to keep the door closed when we're alone in a room together! That's basically a clear invitation that I'm down to fuck!!! Im basically asking to be ragdolled on his knot!!!"
and Benny just pinches the bridge of his nose like "I don't know how to explain to you in a way you'll understand that not everyone went to Catholic school."
But saying that Sasha does side-eye the door knob heavily when Maffhew goes over to close it the first time and he starts sweating like he just got dragged into a game of 7 Minutes in Heaven he did not sign up for and he's 13 again and oh god he got paired with a really cute girl, and he hasn't even had his first real kiss yet and-
And then absolutely nothing happens because Maffhew is just waiting with a polite expectant smile (because his work here is done, he did the heavy lifting know it's Sasha's turn) and this is when Sasha's dynamic classes training kicks in and he basically scolds himself for even assuming in the first place because this is clearly a show of trust (correct) not an invitation for extra circular activities (incorrect buzzer noise) and it basically becomes "This Omega really trusts me, I'm honoured especially as Pack Leader that I'm able to be so accepted into such a private space with the inherent knowledge that I will not encroach their boundaries whatsoever because consent is verbal, this is not in any way an invitation to take advantage of them this is deep platonic trust I will guard with my life :]"
and if you listen closely you can hear the lovely sounds of Maffhew bashing his head into a wall about how much of a gentleman Sasha is but also COME ONNNNNN... you know... once Maffhew realises what's happening which (looks at my watch) is not due for another few months really
Battle of wills: unstoppable force (maffhews catholic school understanding of dynamic interactions) vs immovable object (overseas alpha cotillion classes)
And if you think it's an Oh! An overseas dynamic thing! It's not. The Euros are watching the horrible car crash in front of them and doing absolutely nothing about it because it's none of their business, but they will stare at it... maybe judge it a bit but definitely are observing from the tall grass.
and I'm also not saying that luosty lundy forsy and bobby have a current running bet of how long it'll take for maffhew to break sasha in but i'm also not not saying that... luosty goaded lundy in the midst of a gossip session ("It has to be 3 months, right?) forsy happened to be around so lundy turned to him for advice ("7 months.") and maybeeee bobby overheard from all the way over from his stall and puts in his two cents for what it's worth ("6. Captain nice but not that nice. Very impatient." "So 3!" "No. Impatience makes him double the time, and wait longer. 6 months.") (lundy finally settles on a good 5 months because he's indecisive)
And Sasha does eventually pick up everything maffhew is throwing down... eventually... and when he does it becomes more so I want to court this omega the way they deserve I will take this slow and romance them sweetly :) *smash cut to maffhew caterwauling like a cat in heat*
but also once again its not like maffhew is helping sasha in any way this is idiot4idiot and benny would like to enjoy the car crash with the euros but unfortunately that's his soulmate, thats his bestie, his littermate from birth who has been weaned on the same teat as they climbed over each other to get to it, the first girl you kissed in your childhood bedroom because somehow you started play fighting on the bed because she was like i could totally pin you down easy and then she does and you always noticed how beautiful she was but shes even more gorgeous when she's pinning your wrists to your hannnah montana duvet you promised yourself youd changed out before she came over but you forget and well she teased you about it and you cant help but giggle about how perfect this all is and it seems that the natural conclusion to this is to taste the strawberry lipgloss of her lips because whats a kiss between besties huh its tacky and sticky and it tastes like summer and just other apt metaphors to put here about the inherent -isms of their relationship that i nearly cant put to words properly other than girls having fun (they are fucking)
and well anyways benny is watching and he has a lot of things to say about how its been proceeding so far
"You should really use your words."
"I am!"
"Right because smelling like a fucking perfume shop in the middle of October is using your words."
"This usually works with most Alphas okay!"
"Sasha isn't most Alphas."
"Tell me about it." Matthew grouses before he peeks over to Sam, looking up from beneath his eyelashes—the exact way he knows both endears him to Sam but also absolutely miffs him all the same, "Worked on you, didn't it?"
"Oh, is that what we're doing right now? We're calling getting a lapful of a preening O in preheat in the middle of a roadie a normal way to go about these things."
"It worked didn't it?" Matthew reiterates.
"It would work better if you use—"
"Okay! Alright!! I get it!!!" He does not.
like benny here is unfortunately an active listening participant in the going ons of the fuckery if not because hes involved by proxy because of maffhew because who else will hold his hair back as he calls him a dumb bitch you know
#ask#i dont think we nearly take enough advantage of maffhew going to a catholic prepatory school#my friend who went to catholic schooling his whole life until highschool (where we met) dropped the bombshell of the door thing on me#to which i went you have to be fucking with me that cant be real and then i was like well i guess its good we're both boys then-#and then he goes oh my mom knows im queer the rule applies to boys too#and i just nervously looked over to the door knob like well uh maybe we should open the door? i dont want your mom to be mad-#and he was like oh shes convinced we've been fucking since we met so this is allowed youre the only boy she lets do this (the door thing)#a couple of years later when he moved out i found out friends weren't allowed over if he was alone in the house but i was the only exceptio#and i felt like the equivalent of a roving tomcat who keeps wandering into the gardens and got the neighbours cat daisy pregnant#i dont think i could ever look that woman in the eye after all that#this is all to say catholic schooling does things to you man#anyways i do have to reiterate every kitty is fucking each other on a normal basis and in an abo au it gets even worse#making our whorehouse a whorehome#ive always said this but flirting with a virgo is like flirting with a brickwall#actually thatd be an insult to the brickwall because at least the brickwall would give you something to work with#the humble virgo looks you in the eyes before they crush your ego with a single word and youre like thank you mistress may i have another#i feel for maffhew i really do#theres just so many funny ways this just goes terribly wrong because both maffhew and sasha are inherently messy people#matthew and sasha on a team outing sat next to each other in a booth and matthew gets a little tipsy and starts rubbing his cheek#on sashas shoulder and sasha is just looking over to benny like please. help. and benny just snorts and blatantly ignores#him as he continues to sip on his beer and sasha just turns to ekky and silently pleads with his eyes. PLEASE. HELP.#ekky huffs and looks away very much not thrilled about being involved in any form whatsoever and hes not gonna change his mind about this#*5 minutes later* and ekky finds himself switching spots with sasha with a cuddly maffhew on his arm and he's a little disgruntled about it#but its very hard to stay upset when maffhew keeps mumbling about how nice he smells and keeps trying to scent him#all over like he has any right to lay a claim when hes been in the pack for such a short time#and yeah okay maybe he preens a little bit at the compliment like just a little#and maybe he does like being treated like a glorified scratching post but matthew doesnt need to know that (matthew knows that)#well anyways
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lacnunga · 2 months ago
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In the wake of the IA situation, I've seen a lot more posts circulating about using your local library and I just. Sigh
#i dont know whether these people are thinking of Big City libraries#or their local is the most well stocked most accommodating library known to man#but my library consists of mostly kids books and ww2 skinned romance lites and james patterson thrillers#if youre lucky theres some pop history books on the tiny shelf in the back#oh also the opening times? 0930 to 1700 of course. yknow. when most ppl are at work :)#oh except sunday. when were just closed ;)#trying to get the library to bring in a specific book? sorry that'll be nine months and we'll send it to the library#in booksbury-upon-tyne which will cost you a £30 round train ticket (if the trains are running ;)) and a three hour journey#(cause were swr and life is a fucking nightmare)#im not doing that for a book im not even sure will be relevant to what im looking for yknow#i guess what im saying is that while i love the concept of libraries#they havent really evolved with the times. theyve been what theyve been for a millenia#and the intellectual value they were built to provide hasnt kept up with the funds theyre actually allocated#now i will say these are kinda complaints specific to me cause im not the biggest fiction reader#and if i am theyre mainly classics so my gripe is more with the proviso of non fiction books#and the variety of them which is incredibly narrow#and i dont drive so the intersection of this with the hellscape that is south englands public transport network also sucks dick and balls#like i realise the library provides a lot of necessary resources for older people and kids and those without internet access etc.#but that does leave a large swathe of people with little to no reason or time to visit the library yknow.#i dont blame the library workers of course but i also dont think its the visitors (customers?) fault#that there isnt a great incentive for them to visit#especially since i have found most of my fave nonfiction books in second hand stores#which would have either cost £80 new or would have been locked ina university library out of reach of the common folk#whatever. ramble ramble yada yada. ev complains again whats new
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camzverse · 2 months ago
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i could probably like or even love william afton if he made any fucking sense to me as a character
#every time i try to think about him my brain explodes. he's so confusing and everything about him is so unclear it makes me furious really#i don't feel like elaborating. idk. he confuses me. i'll figure him out eventually. whatever#cam.txt#“this characters motivations are open to interpretation” WELL MAYBE I DON'T WANT THEM TO BE. MAYBE I JUST WANT TO KNOW#i dont mean like.. “kill -> get remnant” motivations. that clearly plays into it. but it's so basic and not the full picture#it doesn't explain him killing charlie. it doesn't explain Why he wants remnant. it. it doesn't explain. him as a character. i don't know-#-what he's Thinking and it pisses me off ok. whateverrrrrrrrrrr#they call me the Over Thinkerr. bec ause. im thinking hard about fnaf way over the reasonable amount for something that isn't even#written That well to be frank. whatever whatevet whatever whatever whatever OK bye ill stop. i just do not get william afton#on one hand i like that fnaf allows for people to come up with their own ideas on the other hand I HATE HOW WILLIAM IS (NOT) WRITTEN#Bc how can u make a story that has so much to do with a man who is murdering children and have THAT be one of the things we know least abou#(i know there's probably explanations in the books but i don't care about the books. they're different than the games. so)#i mean i guess i can appreciate that it's a story about murder that focuses more (?maybe) on the victims than the murderer. i guess.#still annoyed. Am i just being a hater? probably#if this is incoherent no it's not❤️
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clits-and-clips · 8 months ago
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Spiralling AGAIN would you believe it
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welcometoteyvat · 1 year ago
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jing yuan and yanqing are giving zhongli and xiao if the latter’s canon relationship was Actually fanon’s made up father figure/adopted child dynamic
#idkkkkkkkkkkkkk who looks at zx and is like 'you know what. this is a healthy parent child relationship'#like girl by fitting them into father son boxes you are actively making their relationship imbalance Worse#if you do that and dont shy away from it i respect that but if you say dad/son makes their relationship more wholesome or whatever like WHY#now i wont deny shippers might do that too but i see the dad son version so much i think im just averse to it by default#also because i think father son makes people actively Try to make their relationship something that its not and it erases a bunch of subtlet#subtleties in it. it's the nuanced r/ship -> entirely unproblematic and flavorless r/ship that i hate#also the number of people who'll block if you ship zx. like damn thats crazy you guys really think theyre father son (fake)???#at their peak they're like. 4000 year old guys who have too much history and repression and some weird entanglement of 'nah im bothering him#too much' and 'gotta protect him w my life' complexes. and then this devolves into theyre never gonna kiss until 3000 more years have passed#listen they just Contain Multitudes idc if you dont ship it just dont make it into dad and son and we will be so gucci#jing.yuan and yanqing are like different i think mostly bc yanqing is actually like a minor and jing yuan is also a normal ish person#plus the light cone and the abouts?? yeah this is an actual like adopted parent/child thing#also good or bad news i caved and am now playing hsr. the plan is to pull yanqing and then go on infinite hiatus in the game 👍#JWKFLJWEK i dont think theres really any draws for me besides him. personally neutral on turn based combat and the open world isn't giving#the only saving grace i have rn is 1) ive gotten to the part where bron.seele is real and man theyre gay 2) trailblazer trio 3) tall female#mc 4) everyone has way better emoting abilities than genshin 5) su.shang's really cute <3#the story doesnt really interest me though its like cool but not mindgrippingly interesting#tbf i think genshin is the same way storyline wise (at the beginning) but the difference is that turn based combat isnt really my thing LMAO#ramblings!#zhongxiao#if you want to filter it out ??
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netherdevil · 4 months ago
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unnormal vivilly dweller thoughts in my head
#“I'm right next to you” are we about to kiss. are you trying to kiss me right neow#i hate the chase sequence part (corny and unoriginal) but everything else is so perfect#hEeEeLP MEeEeEE#i fuckign love vivilly anyway but i think the vivilly dweller is what Really did it fr me#SERIOUSLY THOUGJ WHAT THE FUCK#i would make a palpers dweller but i dont think my computer can with how shit it is rn#like i definitely will at some point (unless someone beats me to it) but i just can't rn 😭#i csnt wait for august viv face reveal guys!!!! YAY!!!! idc what he looks like he will always be so splinkoid#plus whatever characteristics he has i can kinda just add on to my design to him behind his mask#i color his skin as dark grey just for his mc skin but seeing his snapchat n stuff makes me wanna show him off as rhe eyeblinding man he is#or not! who knows . i have a tendency to do whatever#okay speakijg of his face reveal#i have something i want to explain to the wall#a part of me is hoping he isnt generic conventionally attractive guy 38495839488#the rest of me is neutral because idrc#the reason why is most likely because i would feel a deeper connection to him if we shared similar facial features#it's a good reason i think? but still weird to have because i shouldnt really care what he looks like at all#idk what to expect really but i guess i should be open minded abt it#I JUST. a lot of how i perceive him is through his mc character#that played a big part in how i grew to like him so much#but he ISN'T emo hoodie minecraft shyguy!!!#however i can still enjoy the 'persona' he has online. chill sarcastic insane funny blocky shyguy who does a little (A LOT OF) trolling#anyway back to what i was saying#hope bro isn't majestic as fuck irl#IF IT'S ANYTHING LIKE DREAM I'M GOING TO CRY#DREAM IS MAJESTIC AS FUCK I CANT EVEN WITH THAT MAN#i will be supportive anyway ofc because 1) i dont care even though i just proved that i do 2) i can separate persona from irl person 3)...U#IM SO NORMAL#also we're not goijg toctalkcabou t the dream thing. if youre my irl yoy didnt aee this (PLEASE DONT UNFRIEND ME OELASE#DONT LEAVE JUST FORGER Iなはoops didnt mean to type thatSAID THAT OKAY
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mayo-is-an-instrument · 5 months ago
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I made a boo oc!! I'll make more drawings to use them for when I start making "serious" YouTube videos :3
#mayodraws#dont really know what else to tag so#TIME FOR RAMBLING WOOHOO#im thinking of just getting rid of the name Mayo tbh#ive grown sick of it#honestly might just stick to my real name for everything atp#i use it for the entirety of discord now so 💀#i just feel like its not me if its not my actual name#its like its a separate identity of myself even if im the same person you know?#i like feeling that i am me even through a screen i am still me and not some offbrand representation of myself#so hey everyone my name is Hailey :3 feel free to call me that#soon enough ill change all my socials or the ones I actually use to be some form of 'Hailstorm' because it sounds cool imo#and its a nickname my sister gave me so it also means something special to me <3#should I have made a separate post for this? yes#is it too late? also yes#since im in a ramble session i may as well say more on my mind#im in a server for discord and i so badly have been trying to become friends with people there but holy shit even after like 2 months#i still cant gather courage to speak most of the time#hopefully ill open up more soon but man i need to just not be so shy 😭#are you having fun reading through the tags 💀💀#i would be surprised of anyone actually read all if them#if you did i hope you have a wonderful day 👍👍#also Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its Christmas totally#back onto the youtuve thing most of my videos are just shit like “toad screaming” or editing zelda cutscenes but at some point i want to#make scripted videos for nintendo related stuff#i already finished a script for ttyd and i know its not the best script but for being my first its good enough and ill learn along the way#okay im done yapping Happy St Patrick's Day
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vilelittlecritter · 3 months ago
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You ever sit in a fandom space for so long that now looking at it kind of makes you want to rip your nails off.
Yeah.
#feeling this with Omori#ill look at my recommended tags and see some shit and immediately think “thats enough for today.”#granted alot of the community is children so of course theres gunna be cringey posts and that's fine#but then theres times its just weird and i realise i am far to tired for this shit now#i wanted to try and get into fandom spaces to be myself more and open up but i have now just gotten tired#but ultimately this was also the point in my life i was having an identity crisis and i like to think i have changed alot over the last year#im tired of everyone being called out as a predator or twelve year olds fighting over stupid shit#id rather focus my energy into my real life problems and not the latest “blorboscimbosimp24” drama#christ sometimes i regret getting into omori which is sad because its a game near and dear to my heart#but everyday theres some new shit that happens that sends people fucking feral#and also omocat herself is just a whole can of worms i just cannot be assed with.#that's not to say i hate everything about fandoms. ive met and talked to some really nice people and i enjoy their stuff#but still i have so little patience for peoples bullshit#sorry for ranting but im done with everyones horseshit and people being predators and wether or not omocat is a creep#i dont know i sort of dont care because god knows i have far more pressing matters in my personal life that need my attention#also this doesn't mean im not talking or posting about omori. i still like it but fuck man sometimes it feels awkward saying i like it#rant#random rambles
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orcelito · 4 months ago
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God I don't wanna go to therapy tomorrow. Sick of talking about my feelings in a clinical setting. I do enough psychoanalysis just by myself, and now I gotta sit through it with someone else??? Come on.
#speculation nation#i say as if i didnt submit myself to this and am not willingly paying for this to continue#idfk man ive always hated therapy. just kinda kept it going bcus i was so messed up about the whole grief shit#and i guess it's been maybe helpful. i dont know.#SHOULD i mention this tomorrow? i already know it's ass and entirely undeserved#if i did it'd mostly be another source to complain about it. theres really nothing anyone can say to make it better#bc it's bullshit and it already happened. and i already have the objective proof of yet another person losing interest in me.#... i dont know. i feel like it's inevitably going to come up. it's already taken up so much of my thoughts.#my every dream last night stemmed from it all. it was such a fitful night of sleep.#i can only pray that i dont dream about it tonight too. i want a fucking break from it all.#i hope she loses sleep from guilt. i hope she hurts every time she remembers what she did to me.#i hope she comes around tomorrow so she can see the face she kissed and she lied about loving#so she can remember im a person with feelings too. a person who opened up to her. a person who trusted her.#............ okay maybe i should talk about my blatantly vicious retaliatory remarks with my therapist.#i tried to reign it in but Bitch Mode definitely came out earlier today. when it was fresh. and i just wanted to make her Hurt.#i still want that honestly. i want her to truly regret doing this. to be filled with so much guilt for how she chose to do it.#i cant change her feelings. no matter how much i might want to. but i sure as hell can make her regret it.#i feel like im allowed a bit of petty bitchiness after this bullshit. but i also dont like the person i become like this.#anger issues. perhaps i should talk about my anger issues with my therapist.#easier than just rehashing the whole breakup. though i'll probably have to do that some too.#but better to have a goal for it. a direction to focus on. so that it's not just me complaining.#... it still wont be fun. and my ex mentioned coming round an hour after my therapy ends for dropping the shit off.#so Assuming she actually shows up (still not convinced she will after she flaked on me twice)#it's gonna be therapy and then seeing her right after. god it's gonna suck.#i'll try to do some homework maybe. and then maybe see if anyone wants to hang out later tomorrow.#my friends r the real ones. hanging out with me for 7 hours... they traded off between them but still#for 7 hours i was not alone. and that was very nice of them to do.#good things. positives! focusing on the positives. i am a healthy person with a healthy outlook on life. smiles.
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intertexts · 9 months ago
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hm.
#how do i tell my sister that while i appreciate the thought it is in fact not nicer if she takes the couch occasionally and lets me have my#room sometimes. first of all i HATE disruptions like this it's kind of even more distressing 2 be able 2 sleep in#my own room for one night and then i can't again!!! that sucks net zero!!! second of all She Has My Quilt.... trying very hard 2 be normal#and chill about this and not like it's one of the few things i really really really hate other people using & causes me distress etc.#also like i explicitly said 'hey haha don't do this please' & then she did anyway. which she does!!! i forgot about that!!!#also like man i dont fucking want to sleep on someone's used sheets & blankets that's gross. so im arguably less cosy than i would be. gggh#this all seems like.... very minor and stupid im sure however man im like constantly in a state of middling to severe distress over this#shit. because i in fact also hate people going through my shit or being in my room and also having no privacy however#im very good with suppressing and or masking how much i hate it usually!!!!! but dude she fucking hung her laundry & underclothes#to dry or air on top of my fucking books on my shelves. like. ghghhh hate it hate it cant SAY i hate it because of the everything!!!#ok. sorry. minor pressure cooker escape valve complaining over now im gonna go sleep awkwardly on top of the blankets on my own bed with#some throw blankets. leaving my door open for the beafts if she closes it in the morning bc she thinks she knows what i want ill scream.#txt#neg#this is like private kvetching btw ok i love her dearly it's just unbelievably frustrating.
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meateater-rabbit · 11 months ago
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(dont read the tags actually)
#vent#god this year has been so fucking hard man#and things have been so strained with my friend#and i love them so much. theyre my best friend. but at this point are they?#cause they just keep getting pissed at me over everything#and acting really weird#and theyve just. turned into this unendingly angry and negative person to the point i feel like i can barely talk to them anymore#they are so short tempered which i mean they always have been but just not with ME yknow#like they for ten years were always so kind to me and weve always gotten along well#until the last like year#and i know theyre in a bad place but jesus theyve made it so hard to even hold a conversation anymore#and i mean i think things will get better if they can get out of their current situation. i really think we can go back to normal but just.#not til then. cause they seem like the only coping mechanism they use is pure fucking anger#and now theyve started directing it at me and im just. getting tired.#i cant tell if they are purposely pushing me away or not. but thats whats happening either way.#and its awful bc i just feel like its all my fault. like im not good enough#im not helpful enough im too annoying im just. not good enough care about anymore#they make me feel like none of my problems are important anymore and like i shouldnt even mention it if im struggling#meanwhile all they do is vent and rant and im really really tired but i dont think i can say anything#im trying to open myself up to being social with people other than them again.#they used to be my best safe space but now they arent anymore#but im still going to be there for them the best i can cause they dont deserve to be abandoned when theyre struggling#but i just hope they can get in a better place and idk. realize theyre kinda being a dick all the time#ugh idk#dont read this shit i just need to get my thoughts straight idk.#i was scrollin when i started thinkin abt this thats the only reason im writin on here abt it#probably gonna delete it in an hour anyway#moon
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sinnamonstache · 2 years ago
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Just lost my job.. so I wanna try to get back into drawing.
However I’m.. not exactly comfortable picking up where I left off? I’ve changed a bit, mentally, and like. My interests aren’t very different, but…. I don’t think I can stomach making the same content I did before. I don’t know that I want it to attached to whatever I do going forward, either. I want to get more into OCs and stuff, if possible.
That said.. I know some of y’all really wanted that old art back. So I’m weighing my options…
I’ve considered making some kind of archive, but idk how to.. twitter frustrates me and feels far too public, given the subject-matter 😔 I may use it going forward but it doesn’t feel like the right place for my old works
I may just re-start with a new username and let this one lie...?
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sludgeguzzler · 2 years ago
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gotta love discussing your career with your father
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